Totally Tinder

Having decided to look into the world of ‘dating apps’ I logged onto Tinder his week to see what the fuss was all about. I’ve always believed you should try everything once, so with an optimistic mind, I set about having a Tinder experience. I say I logged on, as it really is that simple to get a profile. You just download the app, login via Facebook and boom, you’re all set. No more writing a profile, choosing what pictures you want to represent you and paying a monthly fee to get started, no, no, no, that’s so last year. All it takes now is two simple steps and you’re live. Download, login, done.

While flicking through profile after profile, I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing. How can there be this many single men out there and how come I never bump into any of them? Then I thought maybe they’re not all single, so I googled the Tinder statics and da da da daaa….. 42% of people using Tinder already have a partner. Is it really possible that people use this app for a little bit of extra fun and not get caught? It seems insane, though apparently it’s happening, I would also bet there are those who cruise through it, just to see what’s going on in the world of single people.

At first I was fascinated, it was like shopping in Sainsbury’s, only instead of putting bread and milk into your basket, you put men in. Swiping left for no and right for yes, you take one or you throw one back. I swiped left a lot and I mean, a lot. The number of profiles seems never ending, allowing you to be completely hypnotised by it. Sometimes seeing a face I liked, only to find it’s too late as I'd already swiped him into social media oblivion, never to be seen again in my zombie like state of repetitive no’s. On occasion I swiped right and was treated to a ‘match’ which seemed very exciting…at first.

You then have two options, you can chat or you can re-check the profile and if seeing it again, you realise it was a zombie induced yes, you immediately un-match and they’re gone. No questions asked.
They also have a ‘super like’ button which allows you to see those who have super liked you, or vice versa. 

A number of things can happen when you get a match. First, they can ignore you, I mean come on, the first rule in the ‘dating in your 40s’ handbook is that girls never make first move, if a guy ‘likes you,' the least he can do is say hello.
Second thing that can happen, is they do say hello and it can go something like this. ‘Hi’ and that’s it.

A couple of times, I got some conversation, ‘Hi, how are you, what do you think of Tinder’? Another time, it was full on, ‘what’s you number love’? Another guy immediately asked if I had ‘any more photos, preferably with less clothing on.' When I got over the initial shock, I found it somewhat amusing. This game of Tinder has to be taken very lightly, if you’re insecure or sensitive, get out now as you definitely need a thick skin.

I found it strange. Can we really ever meet a person who will be special to us on Tinder? I’d like to meet the couple who can say they met there and I really hope they exist. 

I'm not sure if Tinder is my route to love. It's a bit ruthless and colourless if I’m honest. As I flick through the profiles of these men, some of which I’m sure are genuine, honest and looking for love, I find the whole thing harrowing. A swipe left or right, can depend on something as small as not liking the shirt they wear, or their hair being too long or too short. Then when someone ‘super-likes’ me, I’m consumed with guilt when I still swipe left and don’t even give them a chance.

We live in the age of information and everything is immediate, if we want something, we get it straight away. Can love be included in that? A hook up, yes, a date, sure and for those looking for exactly that, well then, they are definitely in the right place. But even if people say they’re looking for that, is it true? At the end of the day, we’re all human beings and there’s something inside of us all, that wants to be loved.

As the Beatles said, ‘All you need is love’. For me, getting to know someone is about intimacy, connection, good conversation, friendship and so on. I find myself missing the times when you randomly met someone and got to know them, without being able to google them and find out their details in five seconds flat. 

There are other apps for dating and to me they seem less sinister than Tinder. I like Hinge and Happn can be a lot of fun, particularly when you go to Twickenham and your page fills up with a hundred rugby guys in five minutes, all in the stadium. 

My conclusion is Tinder just doesn’t feel right for me. Perhaps it’s the sheer volume of profiles or perhaps it’s the reputation for being the ‘shag app.’ If that’s what you want, there is plenty to choose from on Tinder. With three full days of Tinder under my belt and a sigh of relief, I deleted my account.

xo
Suzanne